Thursday, February 02, 2006

Psyche assignment

Okay. Now you've done it. Amy and Liv have sent out an assignment that on the surface seems pretty easy. But after thinking about it, it is pretty tough. How do you define your "ideal future"? Actually, Liv started it and Amy made it a "chain" assignment.

I am not sure if I have the wherewithall to define my "ideal future". Or my revised ideal future. As most of my readers and friends know, I have recently had a MAJOR freaking life change. I used to say that my ideal future was to grow old and be happy with Mona. Well that plan isn't going to happen. So now I have re-examine my life, my goals. That is a scary thought.

Like Amy, I am also a control freak. Not overbearing . . . just that I can't stand leaving something to chance. Now, my whole life is left up to chance. But I'll give it a try.

My "ideal future":
One thing I've learned over the 5 weeks is that I have become a lot more sensitive and compassionate. Where I used to just do the minimum to get by socially, I now appreciate people's pains and needs. Very much unlike the old Jim. Not that I was selfish . . . . I just didn't realize what other people may be feeling. I guess one aspect of my future life would be to become more serving to others and less self serving. I'm not going to run off to a third world country and live in a leper colony, but I will do more to help others.

Being an AR type person about my running, I have to mention goals in that arena of my life. You probably already know that I want to break 1:50 in the half-marathon and 4:00 in the marathon. I think that if I keep the fat man away and keep working, I can do it this year. Mercedes Marathon here in B'ham is next weekend and I really feel primed for my half-marathon goal. I am planning on two chance for my marathon goal this year. I'm doing the Flying Pig in Cincinnati in May and Portland Marathon on Oct 1 (my BIRTHDAY!). I don't think that I will ever qualify for Boston, unless I run as a 60 year old woman. But realistically, I'm not a natural runner . . . I have to work hard just to get a few seconds off my times. Maybe a 3:45 marathon is in my future. It depends on how hard I'm willing to work. Right now, it is hard to say if I can stay that motivated. I do want to start doing some duathlons. Maybe a good goal over the next year would be to do one.

Life itself. TOUGH to think about. With Mona only being gone a little over a month, it is hard to say what I want out of my life. I know that I don't want to disappear into the background. I don't want to become a hermit. I am not sure that I will ever find anyone as special as she was. Of course, I know I can't replace her and I would never try. But I ask myself if I want to be lonely the rest of my life. Too soon to delve into that area. For right now, I have no plans other than to live day to day. To do what Mona taught me-to take each day one day at a time and enjoy what I'm given. Anything else is gravy. I do want to remain a part of her family. She has two brothers, two sisters-in-law, one niece, and 4 nephews. I do want to remain "uncle Jim" for them.

I want to make many new friends, including my friends that I have met out here. I also want to reestablish old relationships. I want to let my existing friends now how important they are to me.

Sorry. I didn't want to make this a bummer trip. Right now, I am just living day by day. Every day is a gift and we should not take our days or friends for granted.

1 comment:

Amy said...

I'm giving you an A+ on the assignment! Good luck on the half!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!